Transparency Tuesday: Scared.

I went to my rheumatology appointment yesterday. She didn’t just poo-poo my concerns as depression or aging. She did, however, start throwing out scary words like Lupus and Rheumatoid Arthritis, though. Lupus can attack your organs; lungs, heart, etc.. RA raises your risk by double of heart disease because of the proteins it produces and the medications that are used to manage it. Lymes still seems the most likely and the best fit for my symptoms, to me at least, but the fact that it’s gone on so long without being caught by anyone else scares me too; at some point, some of the effects can become permanent.

I should have test results back the first week of January. However, that’s scary too. What if they don’t find anything? What if it’s not showing up on blood tests? Do we just start throwing antibiotics and steroids at my body in May, when I’m no longer harboring a tiny human? Do they just give up?

I know it’s all a waste to worry before I have results back. I know it’s silly to be like, “Nope! I don’t want to know! Changed my mind!” I just…didn’t realize how unprepared I was for this next step.



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