Epic Fails & Roller Coaster Rides…

Shortly after my last check in, we had an ultrasound. The tech gave me a weird vibe, but didn’t say anything and we didn’t immediately get a call from the doctor, so we kinda just rolled with it. Three days later, they did call and informed me I was being sent back out to the specialist that we saw a few times last year. It would take two more days to find out why; Baby Sylis has an enlarged ventricle in his brain. It wasn’t massively so, but they wanted to be sure that it wasn’t a larger issue.

We endured more ultrasounds and awkward small talk with techs and met with the specialist. His answer was that he had no answers and what I’d already researched was true: it could end up being nothing or it could press into extreme brain damage. He was sending us an hour away to another hospital for a fetal MRI and more specialists and pulling blood work.

Last Monday we drove the hour each way to Ann Arbor to the other hospital, went through their ultrasounds, were basically given the same, “We don’t really know…it could be 50 different things and 50 different shades of serious or not…” answer, and then told that they’d failed to schedule the fetal MRI and we’d need to come back again next week for that. I’m trying not to be salty about it, but…I am a little. Our whole day revolved around that appointment and the woman that was in charge of making the appointments wasn’t the least bit sorry for the confusion.

The positive news was that they did not see any damage to his liver that would usually occur with the various infections that they would be concerned about (my blood test results still hadn’t come back yet at that point. I need to call the hospital here on Monday and try to find out about those.), nor did they see anything else wrong on ultrasound that would indicate anything else that they typically see in more serious cases. They want to continue to monitor it and we’ve opted to go back for the MRI, but so far…nothing throws flags for it being something big and ugly that will lead to brain damage.

I feel like I’ve said all of this 100 times, but it’s all been broken up into little bits and pieces here and there and I wanted to collect it all in one place for reference. And then there’s what I haven’t really covered elsewhere: I’ve felt like a damned wreck.

The whole pregnancy has been stressful. Everything from the MMR vaccine that I shouldn’t have had, to deal with my depression and anxiety, to wondering if we’re doing the right thing by even having another baby right now… On one hand, my body hates me and waiting to try when I’m older isn’t going to do us any favors. We also both very much wanted a little boy too. On the other hand, my PPD was just starting to get a little better and Baby Girl is a handful of a toddler if there ever was one…the idea of adding a totally healthy baby to the mix was a little daunting to start with. The idea of adding a special needs baby to the already demanding mix of things…broke me. Even with no solid reason to believe that there’s anything wrong at this point now…I still don’t feel like myself.

In short: not much in the way of progress has been made in my little corner of the world and I’m just barely holding it all together as much as I am. (Very little.) The house is a mess. Everything is behind. I spent more than I should have on clothes and shoes because it was just too easy to zone everything else out in favor of some online shopping. I haven’t put up any Easter decorations yet for the kids. This week was Big Girl’s spring break and we’ve done nothing (at least partly because, oh, yes, it decided to snow yesterday! Whoooo wants to go to the beach?!). My birthday is in a week and I know Hubby wants to do something for it and…aside from kinda having a craving for

My birthday is in a week and I know Hubby wants to do something for it and…aside from kinda having a craving for hibachi again…I don’t know what to tell him. I want steak and a nap. Maybe a massage. A few hours without a toddler climbing me like I’m one of those rock walls at the playground, complete with using my kidneys for foot holds. We’ve made zero plans for Easter. I have plastic eggs and I’ll get some candy or something for inside of them so that the kids can hunt them and there will be food…but…that’s kinda…it. I’m just trying to keep my head – or at least my nose…I can make do with just that…) above water until (1) Baby Boy is here and (2) things have settled into a routine after his arrival.

Not Dead; Just Pregnant! (Favorite Budget Maternity Finds!)

There’s been a lot going on here in the last few months…

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We’re pregnant! Tuesday will make 16 weeks, putting us into the second trimester and taking out us out of the major danger zone for miscarriages by a couple of weeks. Only three more weeks before we find out if we’re having a little boy or a second little girl! Hubby and I are doing our best to remain neutral on the subject, but Little Girl has no such reservations… She boldly states that she wants a sister and will be upset if we have a boy. 🙂 (I think she’ll make her peace with it by mid-August.)

We’re also moving house! Again! We don’t know completely when or where yet; we each have our hopes. Little Girl votes for Florida or “anywhere it doesn’t snow!” The novelty has worn off. Hubby votes for the west. I vote for the east coast since I’d love to be closer to his family. But it remains to be seen where we’ll actually end up this time. It’s sort of fun and exciting in it’s own way, but at the same time…I’m the type of person that wants to know what’s going on and to make plans.

I’ve changed up my school plans accordingly and am grateful that it actually gives me a bit of break while things settle down a bit, though, at the same time, the next several weeks are quite an intense course load due to taking half-semester classes. Little Girl started Girl Scouts and I’m up to my butt in cookies. Hubby is working more than ever. It’s been a wild ride in 2015 this far…

Weird things have given me anxiety lately. (I think it’s just my brain trying to find things that I can “do something” about since all I can do in regards to the baby and the move right now is to sit and wait.) I’d started to panic over the last handful of days; I can’t even wear my original yoga pants anymore. They’re too tight. Even Sean’s shirts are inching up over my belly. I’d walked through Meijer numerous times; no maternity section. WalMart no longer has a maternity section. I tried on regular women’s XL shirts…I just looked fat and felt horrible. Target gets $32 for a single pair of maternity jeans and the ones that I got from them last year are annoying; the elastic isn’t secured within the “pocket” that it’s in, so it always twists. It looks weird in that, “Don’t mind me, I’m just trying to steal something by shoving it into my pants.” sort of way and they tend to dig in if I can’t get it un-twisted enough.

I started to picture myself as the pregnant version of the “Honey Boo-Boo” mom; double chins and my belly drooping out of the bottom of my shirt.

So early this week I set out to browse some of the online sites and see what I could come up with. I hate buying clothes online. I have hips and that can be a huge issue with some designer/manufacturers. But I decided to take a couple gambles on WalMart.com, figuring that I could return them to the store if they didn’t work out. Today I ventured to the Old Navy store in the mall; they have a small maternity section and everything was 40% with some card holder perk thing they were doing. (I ended up hitting Kohl’s too and getting a few things from them on clearance. Kinda basic, around-the-house pieces from them, but still far better than opening the door for the FedEx guy looking like Honey Boo-Boo.)

oldnavytankMy favorites so far are these tanks from Old Navy. I picked up two in the store and then went online and ordered two more because the sizes and colors were limited in the store. They’re comfy and will be nice and cool during the summer. I can’t wait for summer, so I may have tried these on and then stroked them lovingly while imagining them with cute sandals… It doesn’t hurt that they’re $10-$13 either!

WalmartjeansAnd these jeans from WalMart.com. They just came in tonight and they fit amazingly well.

Last year’s adventures taught me that maternity clothes are a whole new circle of hell for clothes shopping; some brands stick with numbered sizes still while others do the S-M-L-XL theme. And then there are the normal variations in that what is a medium in one brand is another brand’s large and…you’re left kinda just wanting to slam your head into the fitting room wall while feeling like a beached whale. So…we’ll just say that I was apprehensive about whether or not these would fit. They fit awesomely in a large right now. Which is really when I need them…and I’m glad I’ve ordered some other items in XL sizes for this summer. But for $14? I’m in love and thinking about ordering another pair or two when everything else comes in and I have a better idea of what I need. (I know what I ordered, but I need it all in front of me to really have a good idea…if that makes any sense.)

I feel better; both in having “done” something and knowing that I’ll have more to wear in the coming months than just pajamas…with my belly starting to escape! 🙂 Now if only spring would get here!!